In Praise of Meat Loaf

“The most pathetic thing in the world is watching a rock star age,” commented my college professor.  This was in the early 1980s, and he was talking about Mick Jagger and Keith Richard reinventing themselves for another worldwide tour.

But you have to admit that Jagger and Richard happen to be timeless.  In the 1970s, when I was attending junior high, I remember Mick Jagger’s “Sticky Fingers” as the most popular record album to be shoplifted from the local White Front.

These days, I watch recorded episodes of “Celebrity Apprentice” because of the old rocker named Meat Loaf.  So far, Meat Loaf has had a couple of meltdowns.  He’s shown us that he desperately needs anger management classes.  Which, he admitted taking.  And, he needs an attitude adjustment when it comes to making money for charity.  He doesn't believe in sharing.

Recently, my husband went on eBay and bought me a remastered CD of Meat  Loaf’s 1977, “Bat Out of Hell” album.  I hate to admit it, but one of the tracks, “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” is a favorite of mine.  When I had the record, I played that song over and over until track turned white from use.

“I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way, I’m ever gonna love you,” croons the chubby Meat Loaf, who was photographed in a tux and a mullet hairstyle.  “But don’t be sad.  Two out of three ain’t bad.”

There is nothing like getting your heart broken and finally getting back on track by listening to Meat Loaf sing that song some ten million times.  For me, maybe more.

Now, I watch the “Celebrity Apprentice” because I don’t want to watch the attractive Kardashians, who happen to be successful businesswomen under the hair, make-up, clothes, and catfights.  In reality, I don’t understand all these celebrities kissing up to Donald Trump for a mere $20,000 per “Celebrity Apprentice” competition. 

Shouldn’t they ask for more?  I would.  Think about the old saying by supermodel Linda Evangelista.   She admits not getting out of bed for less than 10 grand, so why should these celebrities only settle for $20—possibly $40 thousand when competing for their charities?  If each of them pawned their jewelry during each episode, I’m sure they’d be making much more than what Trump and visiting CEOs give them.

So much for the "reality" in reality shows.

Sure, Meat Loaf looks older.  He has a wife and kids.  He is still chubby, but now, he has gray hair and a conservative haircut.  He wears glasses, but ditches them when he isn’t reading.

I’m warning you.  No matter how much hair dye, plastic surgery, and Botox you use, nature will take over, and you will show your age.  Or, you will always be spending a wad of cash trying to look like that cute 20-30-40-something you used to be.

I give up.  As far as I’m concerned, I earned my gray hair, batwings, cellulite, and stretch marks.  And as long as I can get my senior citizen’s discount on my good looks, I’m happy.